When I drove Paul to the Levine-Dickson Hospice house in Huntersville on Friday, October 19, I knew that he was near the end of his cancer journey. It had become impossible to manage his pain at home, and he was able to feel where other tumors had grown in his abdomen. Once we arrived and got settled in, the amazing staff at Hospice was able to control his pain, and we were able to enjoy some really sweet times together as a family as Paul felt better. We were blessed to have so many friends come visit, and Paul was even able to leave a couple of times — once to come home for a few hours, which was really special to him, and another time to make a final trip to REI with his brother Allen. We also were able to meet some amazing families who were walking through what we were walking through.
In his last week things seem to progress rapidly. The combination of the strong medication along with the progression of his disease indicated that he was entering the final leg of his race. In his final hours he was surrounded by his loving family and friends as we held his hand, spoke words of love to him, read Scripture, prayed, and cheered him on to the finish line. Just before 1pm on Saturday my husband took one final, quiet breath on earth, and took his first breath in heaven. It was sweet and peaceful.
Several months ago, Paul sat down and thought about this moment. We talked a lot about life and death. We prayed for healing, shed a lot of tears, and had many sad conversations. But Paul’s faith was strong. He really believed this cancer was God’s plan, and that good would come out of that. In some ways this led him to plan out his funeral service. He chose the songs, he invited some to speak, and he even requested that the service end with a time of fellowship and Coke floats! I hope you will be able to come to the service which will be on Saturday, November 17 at 2:00pm at Denver Baptist Church. Paul wanted two things to be emphasized at this service — the worship of Jesus, as well as the hope of the gospel.
So many have asked me how we are doing with all this. As I said, it has been a hard year. Our grieving started a long time ago and continues. But I am so proud of my husband for fighting hard and for running his race so well. We reminded each other often that our hope is not here, that grace is sufficient, and that even when you have cancer Jesus is good. I have spent a lot of time thinking of the joy that my husband is now experiencing as he stands in the presence of Jesus. His mouth is no longer filled with pain, but praise. He is healed, and he has seen Jesus and others who have gone before him. We miss him, but we are relieved that his suffering has ended and that we do not grieve as those who have no hope. We are holding on to God’s promise to us that one day we will all be together with the Lord.
Now we are adjusting to a new normal. We are figuring out how to navigate this new path that the Lord has put us on. He has been so good to us so far and strengthened us as a family. My kids have been amazing, and the mood of our home is thankfulness and hope. As we move forward, will you pray for us? I have a lot of things to deal with, such as insurance companies and other end of life issues. Pray that the Lord will heal our hearts and that His grace will soothe our grief. Pray that my kids will emotionally and spiritually walk well through these days. Pray that He will give me wisdom and strength as I learn how to be a single mom. Pray also that when the long, hard nights come that our hearts will rest on His promises.
Finally, let me say thank you once again. The Lord has been so kind to put us into such a loving community, and I have been so overwhelmed by your expressions of love towards us as a family. It has enabled us to be strong in this journey.
Jen, Reese, Ella and Claire
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