Since my last update I have been able to enjoy spending time with family and friends. I have been able to watch soccer games, work on the cars with Reese, attend worship services, participate in my bible study group, go into work some, and do some things that were on my list to get done. One thing I really wanted to do was to drive one more time on the Blue Ridge Parkway, but in a fast car instead of a mini-van. So, I borrowed my friend’s very fast BMW and hit the parkway with my friend Chris. It was the perfect day to see the mountains, hike a little bit, and take some curves faster than I should have. We made our way to Brevard because I wanted to eat in one of my favorite restaurants, and then went trout fishing with my brother-in-law. It was such a fun day!
On the way home we had to pull over because my stomach wasn’t cooperating. It had been a while since I had vomited like that, but it is just an indication that the pancreatic cancer is destroying my ability to digest food. The disease has progressed and in the last month my pain levels have increased significantly. As a result, we reached out to Hospice to help us manage my pain better. They are a wonderful organization and have been very helpful. As of now, I am receiving care at a Hospice House in hopes of getting the pain under control a little better.
In 2 Timothy 4:6, another man named Paul said, “...the time of my departure has come.” I know that unless God changes His mind, this cancer will become the gateway that ushers me into the presence of the Lord. This is not how I would have written the last chapter in the book of my life. But, my faith is in a God who is good and sovereign. There are three ways I can view this cancer: as an accident, something that God didn’t expect or couldn’t prevent; as an attack, something that God isn’t able to defeat; or an appointment, something that God has planned for His glory and my good.
I am resting in God’s sovereignty and grace as I come to the end of my race. He has used my weakness to increase my trust in His strength. In my moments of terrible suffering and pain, I have been thankful for the suffering and pain of Christ that He endured for me. Thoughts of His great love for sinners like me have brought me comfort in those moments. He has been good to me, and has promised good to all who trust Him—and that includes my family.
We don’t get to choose the way we die. But we can make some decisions about how we live. I look back over my life, and I am thankful that God enabled me to understand the great joy that would come from a life lived for His glory, on His mission. He allowed me to see His work in many places in the world, to support the advancement of the gospel, and to share this good news of hope with many. I wish I had 43 more years. But I’m thankful for the 43 He has graciously given me--a full life lived on mission with a wonderful family, side by side with my brothers and sisters in Christ. My reward isn’t to be found in the stuff of earth, but to see Jesus, and to enjoy Him forever.
What about you? One day your day of departure will come. Do you have any hope? Have you found any solid ground to stand on in this life? Have you found lasting joy in this life? It is completely available to you in Jesus Christ. It may be that I'm not able to speak with you face to face again in this life, so let me give you some final words: Jesus is enough to save you and satisfy you. He is worthy of your life, and if you trust in Him, He will be a comfort to you in your death.
“Only one life, twill soon be past; only what’s done for Christ will last.”
